Searching for norms in uncertain times

Inspired by my dad’s blog post on his website here,

I’ve been thinking more and more about how much we as a society rely on norms to function and make decisions. As a graduate student, we expect during the quarter that we will be meeting classes at fixed times during the week, with some formative and summative assessments, with midterm and final exams and final projects. There are expectations set about when homework and paper are s due, how students will be participating in class, and how we interact with each other as human beings

COVID-19 has put a wrench into that. Thanks to the pandemic, some professors and graduate students have additional responsibilities such as providing childcare and schooling. For public health scholars, this means helping to find out what is fueling this epidemic and kicking their research into high gear, working to help the COVID-19 effort.

This pandemic has fundamentally changed how we interact with each other as humans. As graduate students, we spend hours on videoconferencing teaching and being taught, conducting meetings, and then also working on our own research. One of the challenges of graduate school is not necessarily working a traditional 9 to 5 schedule, with research and projects reaching outside of normal working hours. Working from home can make it hard to truly unplug as it is the new normal and your office is now not separate from your home.

As a third-year, my structure of having in-person required classes has largely disappeared, however, the amount of work has not stopped. It does not help that working for me is a bit of a coping mechanism, that I try to bury myself in work to feel less guilty about not being “productive enough.” I feel better when I spend another hour on that paper or that project, or that task for the class I am TAing for.

I’m fortunate to be working on two different projects that are COVID-19 related. One with Rocket Doctor, and a chatline staffed by undergraduate public health students trying to get their internship hours for their degree.

It’s hard because as an infectious disease epidemiologist, part of me wishes I could contribute more to the effort, but that would take away from working on my degree. My research is on hepatitis C, however, sometimes I feel bad that I’m not doing quite enough to help with COVID-19.

When I was doing my music education training, we learned that setting expectations in the classroom at the very beginning of the year was important and that it can be hard to change things up during the course of the year. Students do not  respond well to sudden changes, so it helps to start off with a good foundation.

When COVID-19 forced the last week of Winter quarter online, with only a week between quarters, we had to figure out how change those expectations and set those norms for the upcoming spring quarter. More assignments and quizzes, online exams, and more opportunities for students to get those points. We included more leniency on homework and when it is due. We tried to figure out what students were feeling and how we could do better with anonymous surveys, and got creative with recording videos at home.

This is an uncertain time. It is hard to set norms and rules because we do not know what will happen and how long this pandemic will last. As someone who likes structure and hates uncertainty, it can be frustrating not to know what is going to happen for Fall Quarter, or what this new normal means for my graduate work.

Sometimes video conferencing just isn’t the same as seeing students in person during office hours or in class. We lose that interaction and seeing if they understand, or do not understand the material. Sometimes I think that students are less likely to ask questions during online class, and that limits the interaction further.

I have mixed feelings about online classes. I think they can be great for people who cannot take classes held at traditional times and can be a flexible option for those who cannot attend classes in person. During my master’s degree, I took several online classes. Although I enjoyed the subject matter, watching online lectures is tough, and I missed that in-person interaction with my professors. Theses classes always ended up being more work then I expected, and sometimes I just wanted to meet in person. That accountability of synchronous classwork was gone, and sometimes I would be doing things at the last minute because there were no in-class meetings. If someone asked me which style I preferred, I would always pick in person. I love school and that person to person interaction.

Everyone is processing this pandemic in different ways. I sometimes feel guilty because, for the first time in three years, I am able to spend a quarter together with my husband without having to fly back and forth.

Interacting with people over video conferencing can be more challenging than seeing them in person. Not being able to read social cues can be very frustrating and being unable to read the room because you’re there, but also not there at the same time.

These are uncertain times. Everyone is really stressed out and worried. All I can hope is we see the good in each other, have some empathy for ourselves and those around us, and keep progressing forward towards ending this pandemic.

Musings on COVID-19

Some of you may not realize this, but I am an infectious disease epidemiologist. I have worked/volunteer with and for three separate health departments, in Santa Clara County and Orange County In California, and in Baltimore in Maryland.

I am currently a 3rd year PhD student at UC Irvine studying another infectious disease, hepatitis C. For the second year in a row I have had the pleasure of being a Teaching Assistant for the Infectious Disease Epidemiology Course.

In the first week of class in January, our professor, who also happens to be the Dean of our hopefully soon to be School of Public Health asked the students to look up this new outbreak in China.

Cut to a few weeks later when we had the first case in the United States: We trained our students to be public health ambassadors. We knew that the disease would come to the US eventually, and we worked with our students on messaging and what they needed to know.

Last Tuesday evening, March 10th after our lecture finished at 3:30, UC Irvine moved to remote classes and remote instruction. We had already planned to put our final online, and now that was what was going to happen. We did our Thursday discussion online and my lab meeting was held using google hangouts, where I sat 6 feet away from the professor in his office. We also held our last lecture for the class online. That Thursday, I flew back to San Jose for the last time.

I am grateful to be able to shelter in place with my husband together. It is amazing to see how resourceful everyone is. Setting up cards against humanity games online, setting up online trivia, hanging out with my crafting group on zoom. In a time when our country was most divided, we have indeed come together in some way.

Spring quarter classes are to be delivered remotely. It will be interesting to see how all of this shakes out. We have relied so long on in-person instruction. For some, this will be a big adaptation.

Although I did not experience shelter in place or consolidation in Peace Corps, I imagine this is what it must have been like.

Please wash your hands and maintain social distancing. These are primary forms of prevention to help slow the spread of the virus and flatten the curve.

 

I ran every day for 31 days. Here’s what happened

Hi all,

Nice to check-in after several months. For the past 31 days I have been running every day for at least 25 minutes.

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But why, Sara?

In public health we always talk about how exercise and diet can help prevent obesity and other chronic health conditions. The CDC recommends 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week of exercise to promote health and wellness. https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/adults/index.htm

If we are going to be effective public health practitioners, we should practice what we preach and have something to back up our claims.

Also, in recent months I have been a bit disillusioned with road races. They are fun, but they are expensive and a bit stressful. I guess I’m just less interested and the novelty has worn off a bit.

My husband’s tech company usually does a contest every February (the shortest month) for the entire company including retail to work out using the company’s wearable wrist device. The winners get a pin and an accessory for the device. However, due to the COVID-19 outbreak, they have postponed it indefinitely.

We decided to try and run for the entire month of February. We both took different approaches.

I promised myself if I ran every day I would get a new Garmin watch to replace my four year old one with a heart rate monitor

I woke up early every morning to run. Usually at 6am. Once I woke up at 4am before I flew back to SoCal to go to a television taping in Los Angeles before my classes started for the week. By waking up every morning I had no excuses. I just put on my running clothes and got out the door.

My husband took a different approach and tended to run later at night after he got home. He was sometimes scrambling to fit in his workout but he made it work. 

The Good:

Every morning I felt like I accomplished something difficult and I was grateful. This has been a bit of a stressful year during my PhD journey as I transition to advance to candidacy and am taking less classes.  Much like my Peace Corps experience, I am having to find additional coping strategies to deal with the stress.

Waking up early means you can do more stuff

I think I lost weight? I definitely feel better and like I have more energy.

My resting heart rate has gone down to 57, so that’s a good thing

The not so good:

Some days I would peter out before 11pm. It could be hard to get work done later at night

Also, there was this one time when I was running at 6:30am where a guy drove up to me in his car and said I ran really fast (lie) and asked if I lived around where I was running. I lied and said I was just visiting.

In conclusion, I think it is a good challenge to undertake, and I got a new watch out of it. I’m glad I accomplished something outside of knitting and school, and hopefully, this will help keep me grounded for the rest of the year

So you got a teaching degree? Was that the right decision?

Ah yes, it has been a while

Why now, Sara?

A little while ago I was prompted by someone to talk about my life post music degree. https://majoringinmusic.com/transferable-skills-music-majors-gain/

That after spending countless hours earning a music education degree with over 650 hours of student teaching and thousands of hours in a practice room or rehearsal room, that I took a volunteer position in the Peace Corps 4000 miles away in a village of 2000 people. I had a life changing experience and decided to go into public health instead.

I have no regrets about my career path.

In fact, it has helped me.

The scariest thing to me during my music education degree was getting up and conducting. You have to communicate non-verbally, and holding a conductor’s baton, I felt stripped bare. I felt absolutely exposed and naked in front of the musicians before me. Conducting for me was the most soul-baring experience I have ever had. But it also was empowering. If you could get up and do that and succeed, it was amazing. The rush of confidence was overwhelming. Conducting was by far my most difficult class, and the class in which my professors were the most critical. It was something that I never felt good at. But it reduced my sense of fear

In Peace Corps, I was a 3rd grade teacher, a middle school entrance exam coach, a camp counselor, a public health advocate, and a grant reviewer.

Fast forward a few years…I get my first teaching assistantship at my current institution. We go to TA training and learn how to do lesson plans. I pulled from my undergraduate and Peace Corps training. My first class I was assigned had a discussion section. I had no problem getting up in front of people and talking to them.

Now I’ve accepted a local part time teaching job teaching religious school once a week.

My undergraduate degree was not useless. It has made me a better teacher, teaching assistant, camp counselor, and facilitator.My path was not linear to where I am now, but I feel like my undergraduate experience set me up for success in my current field.

My music degree taught me how to have a work ethic. How to have self motivation when you think you can no longer do it. Spending hours on a project only to get criticized. Taking your existing technique and breaking you down and starting from scratch.Music school teaches you accountability and self-motivation which is necessary for a PhD degree. I’m not sure I would have the work ethic I do now without it. 

If you have a music degree, you should be comfortable walking into another field as long as you have the prerequisites and skills required for that position. The skills are transferable and I personally do not feel like I wasted my time. I did want I thought I wanted to do with my life, and then things changed and I pivoted into a different direction.

I still play and do wedding gigs once in a while. I still enjoy music even though it’s no longer my field of study or my job. I still got into graduate programs with a music degree. You just have to have the experience the admissions committee is looking for, the grades, and the drive to succeed.

The Power of Volunteering

This blog started out more than 7 years ago (!) to document my experiences as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Now I’m back volunteering at the health department where I used to work.

This year I have been working as an intern/volunteer at both the Orange County and Santa Clara County Health departments.

In Orange County I have been looking at their Hepatitis C data and trying to better understand their unique situation as a rehab destination for drug detoxification. This may end up turning into a dissertation, although I need to do more of a research plan and learn more about time series analysis.

In Santa Clara I have been doing random projects and data requests as assigned. Even though I worked as an infectious disease epidemiologist, I am now helping them out with general epi projects (chronic disease, social determinants of health, causes of death,) and helping mentor their interns. It’s weird because a lot of the things I worked on are now coming to fruition, with the future launch of the open data portal in several weeks. Many of these projects were their infancy when I left, and now they are actually happening! That’s one of the coolest part.

So you may be asking, Sara, why are you volunteering? Couldn’t you get paid?

County governments have limited resources and bringing on paid interns is unfortunately not always feasible.

There are also other advantages

1. I can set my own schedule and come in to work when I want. This is true, however I’m in from 8:30-4:30 most days
2. People have to treat you appropriately. You are there because you want to be there and not getting paid.
3. Experience is experience whether you get paid or not. You can still put this on your resume
4. Your supervisor can be used as a reference for future jobs
5. This is a chance to hone your skills, and learn new ones, and in some ways, have more freedom to make mistakes
6. You feel like you are part of a team and contributing and supporting people. I was able to respond to an urgent media request and help make sure that we had the right information to share with the public.

I’m so glad to have a sense of purpose again and to keep me busy before I go back to UCI at the end of September for TA training.

I can’t wait to share my love for public health with undergrads and get to use my teaching skills from my undergraduate education and Peace Corps experience.

Year one…and reflections upon other things

Hi all,

I survived my first year of my PhD in Public Health Program, with approximately 48 flights (give or take) and 40 credit hours of class. (WOO HOO!)

My husband and I spent a wonderful time in Lake Tahoe celebrating our anniversary and reconnecting.

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It’s strange being home and not having to worry about getting to the airport and doing homework. It’s nice to be back in my own space with my stuff, with my husband. It’s strange not having the structure of classes, flights, assignments, papers, etc. I’m trying to figure out stuff to do everyday, papers to read, and to work on this master lit review on Hepatitis C for a potential dissertation topic.

In other news I’ve become a somewhat social media recluse (except for instagram). I left a message on my facebook saying that I was basically no longer using it and to use email or my phone to reach me.

Last week I got a call from one of my best friends in undergrad and we caught up. I was totally surprised.

It’s interesting when you stop posting when you have a lot of followers/facebook friends how the information stream just stops. In my case, people aren’t sure where I am at the moment (which is probably a good thing) or for our anniversary, we didn’t get a lot of messages, which is fine.

I’ve also seen several of my friends completely step away, due to how political things have gotten on facebook and how it was not the bubble they wished to be a part of.

I miss the socialization that I had as an undergrad where there were always people down the hall, in the public bathroom, in the dining hall to talk to.

One of the drawbacks of being off from school is that I don’t have the classmates I saw everyday, or coworkers to see everyday. Building a routine is hard when you don’t have a class to go to.

I’ll make it work and find something to do. I’m just happy to be home, and I feel that you do not have to have everything in your life perfect to find happiness. We’re always searching for perfection and something more, but I think that sometimes we have to just stop and enjoy things. I’ll live the social recluse life. People know how to get a hold of me if they need to.

Why i’m on ice with Facebook

Disclaimer: Rant Ahead

I’m not sure if anyone else reads this blog anymore, but I thought that this may be an opportunity to share my thoughts about Facebook and my personal experience with it off of facebook where I could write more about it.

Last quarter was particularly difficult, with 4 classes and 16 credit hours. With 2 weeks to go in the quarter, due to stress, avoiding distractions, and other reasons, I logged out of facebook and installed a site blocker to prevent myself from going to it.

I was amazed how I was not looking at my phone all the time, not looking for likes on my posts, not looking for likes on my pictures. I could actually spend time with people and really connect with them and not be glued to my screen. I didn’t need the validation from people. I wasn’t sitting on my computer worrying about if people were online and if they were going to contact me, or be tempted to start an online conversation that would last a long time.

I’ve become more and more private since I joined Facebook 11 years ago. When I was in Burkina, I did not have internet access, and only posted pictures and things that I thought would be relevant to my friends and family. I didn’t post things like “OMG this is horrible and i’m stuck in my latrine all day and all I can eat is To with okra sauce”

When I got married, I only posted a smattering of wedding pictures because I felt weird about some creeper or friends of friends or family looking at our pictures. This is not meant to be a criticism about thepeople who post all of their wedding photos, but it was not right for me and my husband.

I also feel like sometimes the features of Facebook get misused by people. I have people tag me in posts that I don’t want to be tagged in, calling me out about something to get my attention or something they need. Sometimes the tagging feature is useful for job offers or people looking to connect over shared experiences, but I’m really frustrated with it. I have also had host country nationals from Burkina friend me and then tag me in every single photo they are in (but I am not), and then ask me to send them a computer.

I’ve un-followed and blocked people, and looking at my news feed just makes me sad, so I don’t really do that anymore. The new algorithm made few of my posts actually seen, and contributed to that lack of validation feeling because people were just not seeing my posts.

The other issue is that I got a notification from Facebook that not me, but some of my friends, used the app that helped mine data for Cambridge Analytica, which may have given out some of my public information. Geez, that doesn’t help me at all. I’m not sure who did it, and I don’t really care who, but my data got stolen.

I commute on a weekly basis but I don’t post my airport location or where I am at any given time. If you want to find out if I am in town, you can text me.

The only real reason I keep my Facebook around is to keep in touch with my Peace Corps friends, and my international friends. One of the greatest axioms of Peace Corps is, the people who really want to be in contact with you will still be in contact with you, and the people who do not want to be in contact with you will not.

Instagram is the only social media I regularly check, as it has things that make me happy, like drag queens, food pictures, makeup pictures, cat pictures, and others.

Disconnecting from my phone has been a godsend in some cases and has led me to be more connected and to pay more attention to the people around me. It’s also increased my battery life, and helped decrease my stress.

Bottom line:

If you need to get a hold of me, you know how, and social media is not the happy shiny place it used to be.

 

Time is currency…

So it’s the second quarter of my PhD program. I’m three weeks in. Midterms are on the horizon, and I’m constantly feeling like I’m running out of time.

I commute back and forth from San Jose every week. This has its advantages and disadvantages

Some of the advantages include being able to focus on my school work during the week without feeling guilty about spending time with my husband. I have a quiet, conducive workspace, with access to online and actual libraries.

Some of the disadvantages are that when I am back in San Jose, most of my time is spent doing homework. One of the great things about being a music major in undergrad is that I spent a lot of time doing work outside of class time. I had to practice several hours a day, and when I was in the top orchestra, we had 6 hours of rehearsal a week, with only one hour of credit. This was nothing compared to my friends in the Marching Illini at the time who were practicing every night and had their weekends gobbled up by game days.

I keep hearing myself say, “I don’t have time for that” and opting out of activities because I feel like that time would be better spent during homework. I’ve always had a really strong work ethic, and I’m afraid of procrastinating. I don’t like leaving things until the last method, and I try and plan things out and make lists so I don’t forget anything.

Commuting by plane also cuts down on time spent driving or on other forms of transportation.

This makes me think about when I was a Peace Corps volunteer and I had really boring days. Sometimes I would take two naps a day, especially if I had taken my mefloquine the previous day and did not get a good night sleep.  I had such an excess of free time. Everything moved slower in village, and I think I ended up appreciating things more.

Now, everything for me is now evaluated if it is or is not, a productive use of my time. Sometimes I wish I had a time turner like Hermione Granger in Harry Potter. I try to take time for myself and do things that make me feel good. I think it’s hard when your support system is split up across the state and country.

At least cell phone calls and FaceTime are free. I just wish I could bank up my time and use it later, but it just doesn’t work that way. For now, I’ll just keep chugging along.

 

Thoughts on the beginning of this PhD journey

So I’m officially 7 weeks into my PhD program at UC Irvine with three weeks to go left in the quarter.

It’s strange but not strange at the same time being back at school. My current program and my master’s at Johns Hopkins University Bloomberg School of Public are very different.

At JHSPH you come in with a cohort of around 280 students from many different backgrounds and countries

I have 6 in my PhD cohort

At JHSPH I was in class 7-8 hours a day with 3-4 hours of homework after that not including class readings

At UCI, I only have class two days a week. 6 hours of class on Monday, with 3 on Thursday, but the readings for class can be 3-4 hours not including working on papers.

I’m also commuting almost every week spending half my time in San Jose racking up those miles.

In some ways I feel strangely prepared.

My husband and I did 8 months long distance with a time zone difference that meant we had to schedule time to talk to each other, and only got to see each other every 6-8 weeks. Sometimes I would not know the next time I would see him. Now I get to see him every week.

JHSPH had 8 week terms with no reading week for exams. You had to study, attend class, and finish your final projects. You had sit down exams every month that you had to study for, including figuring out your capstone project, working at your practicum, and trying to do well in your classes.

Having two different jobs before I went back to school also makes a difference. You have to show up to work every day, you have deadlines and meetings to prepare for, it teaches you to be professional, and how to manage your time. However, when I was working I did not have to take my work home with me.

Part of me feels selfish that I am doing this program and being away from my husband, but he is clearly one of my biggest fans. I’m getting a lot more experience and learning about things that I simply did not have time for during my Master’s degree. I’m also glad I am taking this time to enrich myself and get paid to learn! It’s a bummer that I don’t get to come home and give my husband a kiss every night, but we call each other on facetime and make each other laugh.

Peace Corps teaches you how to adapt and change to a new environment. How to find the important things, why to remember the selfish reasons you did it in the first place. It teaches you how to get integrated and how to live in different conditions. My current apartment has no AC and no dishwasher. I spent a heat wave like I did in Burkina Faso, under a wet sheet trying to cool off.

One thing I’m having trouble with is making and maintaining friendships at home and at school. I don’t necessarily feel as bonded as I did with my MPH 2015 class at JHSPH. I think that’s because we did not have an entire summer term together filled with classes.

It’s not an easy transition, but in some ways, I feel prepared.

Feelings about the Peace Corps evacuation in Burkina Faso

As some of you may or may not know, The Peace Corps Burkina Faso program was closed on September 3rd 2017 due to security concerns and the volunteers were evacuated.

You can read the official statement here:

https://www.peacecorps.gov/news/library/peace-corps-burkina-faso-volunteers-evacuated-safely/

I served in Burkina Faso from June 2011-August 2013 as an education volunteer in the village of Lèba.

According to the Peace Corps website, over 2075 volunteers have served from 1966-1987, and 1995-2017. President Thomas Sankara was assassinated in 1987, and there was an 8 year recess when Peace Corps was asked to leave by the government.

As a returned peace corps volunteer (RPCV), I am in almost what seems like a state of mourning. A program that I spent two years and three months of my life is now over. Indefinitely. A group of volunteers that swore in less than two weeks before has now left after just getting to site.

I (fortunately and unfortunately) have no personal experience with evacuation as a PCV, however I have spoken with several volunteers who have been previously evacuated.

In my training class we had 3 former evacuees from Peace Corps Niger. I had the greatest respect for them and looked up to them all during training. They described the evacuation process as being traumatic, having only hours to pack their things and travel to their consolidation points. Some of them never got their things back.

In April 2012, a Coup D’état happened overnight in Mali, the president was kidnapped, and the volunteers were evacuated soon after. I met several of them during my service in Burkina, as it was an easy transfer for them as Jula and French are also spoken in Burkina. One of those Mali volunteers told me that they generally decide to evacuate volunteers is when they cannot physically get to volunteers, or they are unable to transfer money into their bank accounts because the government is shut down.

I was extremely fortunate during my service that we were never consolidated. There was a point where there was an attack on a chemical plant in Algeria where I was asked should things get bad if I wanted to leave the country or my site voluntarily, and I said no, and would leave only if the circumstances and my safety truly depended on it. There is something called “interrupted service” where for circumstances beyond the volunteer’s control happens, and they are able to leave Peace Corps something akin to an “honorable discharge”

Since I left Burkina, things have gotten worse

in 2014, there was an uprising where citizens tried to prevent then President Blaise Compaore from changing the constitution to eliminate term limits. The parliament building was burned to the ground and Colonel Isaac Zida became interim president.

In 2015, the RSP (presidential police) staged a mutiny and held the then president Michel Kafando hostage. This coup ultimately failed and they were able to have elections.

In January 2016 there was a terrorist attack at the Cappucino restaurant and Splendid Hotel. I used to go to Cappucino in Ouagadougou when I was a volunteer.

In August 2017 there was a similar terrorist attack at a Turkish restaurant on the same street.

It breaks my heart that because of terrorists deliberately targeting foreigners, and also apparently Peace Corps volunteers, that the volunteers had to be evacuated and the program ended.

It breaks my heart to see all of the fantastic work done by the Peace Corps Burkina Faso American staff, host country national staff, volunteers, and counterparts come to a standstill. One of the most powerful diplomatic tools we have: cultural exchange, is no longer available to us.

It breaks my heart to see a president who wishes to slash the budget of such a meaningful program promoting world friendship and building bridges between Americans and other countries in need.

To the Burkinabé people, I wish you the following (in Mooré):

Wend na ko-d fo panga (May God give you strength)

Wend na sonsg fo noogo (May God give you good things)

Wend na ko-d fo noglem (May God give you love)

May it be one day that Peace Corps can return to your wonderful country and continue to cultivate change.